Home Study Visits - check!

Yesterday afternoon we finished our final home study visit. I'm overwhelmed with emotion - excited to be almost finished with this step and anxious to move on to the part where we are matched with our child! Oh, how that day can't come quick enough.

Our second home study visit, last Monday, was all about training. It was about an hour and a half of learning about everything under the sun related to adoption. We got to keep the big book with articles, handouts, and tons of other resources for all things adoption. Even though we went through the booklet quickly, I'll probably sit down here in the next week or so and read through the articles. I love taking in everything that I can right now. It's kind of comparable to when you find out you're pregnant for the first time and so you start reading everything you can starting with "What to expect when you're expecting." (or maybe that was just me!)

Our visit yesterday was interviews. I was so nervous. I dislike answering questions about myself like "Describe your personality" or "what is your greatest strength and weakness." Not my favorite thing to do but we made it! Mark and I both were interviewed individually and Mady was interviewed as well. She told me that she was asked "What do you like to do with mommy" to which her response was "cuddle." When asked "What do you like to do with Daddy?" her response was "Play lion." I love it!

I think the hardest part of the overall home study process was the amount of paperwork that had to be done... criminal checks, fingerprints, fire evacuation plans, health evaluations, autobiographies, birth certificates, marriage license, taxes, and that's just to name a small portion. Our 3 home study visits were laid out over a total of 12 days. To say I was stressed yesterday was an understatement. But, we have everything turned in (minus two sheets that I'm waiting on by email) !!! I'm excited.

Our next step is to wait for some approval from DCFS. Then our home study will be written up, reviewed by us and faxed to our placement agency to make sure that it fits with their requirements. After that, we start working with our placement agency - sending them another big packet of paperwork and a big chunk of money. Then we wait for referral!

I've been told this before but this whole process of adoption is really a "hurry up and then wait" process. We hurry up and get everything that we need and sent in and then we wait.... then we hurry up and do something else and then wait... Although at times I get anxious I know that I need His patience to keep me going. I need to be content with the circumstances. I know that everything happens in God's timing... and on His terms! So, for that I am thankful. I am thankful that He has everything covered and under control. He knows best.

It reminds me of the verse Proverbs 16:9 which says "The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps."

Left to our own wishes and plans, we fail. But, He knows best! He knows what is ahead and He's constantly preparing us for what is next. I am content in this process - whatever stage we are in - and I'm enjoying every bit of it. He knows what is next and I will REST in Him through it all.

Thank you Lord that you direct our steps and not me! You are so good.

Overwhelmed with gratitude

A little while ago I posted about the financial aspect of our adoption and how the Lord was teaching me to trust Him even when my flesh was doubting. The adoption turned out to be a little more than we had expected, but I was learning to trust Him in all things. I know He will provide in His time and in His way! I have been learning huge lessons already during this adoption process, and for that I am so thankful.

Just a day or two after I posted that, a sweet friend messaged me this simple but powerful message, "So, how would you feel about my website money going to your family's adoption?" WHAT?!? I immediately began to cry. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. My heart was full. I was in awe at the heart of my sweet friend.

I met Adriana and her mom a couple of years ago at Parent's Morning Out. We all 3 volunteer together and Adriana often babysits my kiddos. Her and her mom are the sweetest people I know, and their heart and love for the Lord is so contagious. Their family is an inspiration to me. I could go on and on about this sweet family...

I remember calling Mark immediately and sharing what Adriana had messaged to me. He was speechless. Her heart for missions and her desire to serve the Lord excites me. This young girl understands! She gets it! She wants to serve Him in everything and it's so apparent by this amazing gesture. I wish I had understood this lesson when I was a young teenager!

Adriana is super crafty! She makes hair bows, headbands, bibs, onesies, burp cloths, notepads, magnets, etc! I love her stuff! Click here to visit her blog / website!

While you're visiting, go ahead and make a purchase. You will be supporting this sweet girl along with our adoption. I can promise you that you will love whatever you order!

The Lord knows what we need and He does provide. It's all in His timing and His way. Our family is beyond thankful for His provision through this sweet girl!

Adriana - You are a huge answer to prayer for us! Please know that you have blessed us in more ways than I can tell you - just by this gesture! Thank you for your heart for the Orphan. I'm so blessed to know you and your family. You are a gem!

First Home Study Visit

Yay! We had our first home study visit yesterday and it went well. It was fun to actually "start" the process. Our adoption process actually feels so much more real now that we are getting things done. We have 3 home study visits with a fourth where we will be reviewing the written home study (which I learned yesterday is about 20 pages!).

Today we did the basic questions and answers, we gave a tour of our home, talked about background, and filled out some paperwork.

Oh.

My.

Word.

There's a lot of paperwork!

On top of that we are off to get fingerprinted today - which sounds so intense!

Our next home study visit is next week and will include some training. I'm looking forward to it. Our case worker is a sweetheart so it was a joy to spend time with her.

But for now... It's off to work on more paperwork. Whew....

Pure Joy

I had a extremely blessed Thursday last week. I started my day by dropping the kiddos off at First Christian for PMO - a time where moms can drop their kids off for class while the moms go and have some much needed time to do mommy stuff. It wasn't my week to volunteer so I had a free morning. I decided to bring my computer and some adoption paperwork with me, and I found a corner of the church cafe to set up office.

I opened my email and found a friend request of someone who I didn't know. I had just, the night before, posted in the adoption group page on facebook that we had just started the adoption process and how excited I was to be part of the group. I had been watching the posts come across daily and had been very encouraged at the amount of help it had been - hearing stories and questions/answers from those who are adopting / have adopted from the same country as us. Anyway, I noticed that this particular person was a member of that group so I accepted her friend request. I was just getting ready to close my computer when an instant message came across from her.

It said something to the effect of "I peeked in your photo album and saw my friend's little boy in you Ghana photo. So I'm assuming you spend some time at . Our little girl is there too"

WHAT?!  My heart started racing.  I started shaking.  If I wasn't so concerned with what I might have looked like, I probably would've started jumping up and down and screaming!  (yes, I was really that excited).  I about fell off my chair. Forget what I had on my schedule. Forget what things need to be done. How cool was this! I sat and "chatted" with her for probably another 45 minutes. Then I called Mark with my high-pitched-crazy-excited-voice telling him what just happened!

She, in fact, pointed our her friend's little man in our Ghana photo. I sent more photos that we had of the children trying to see if we could find her daughter. It was an amazing conversation. Simply to know that the children we were spending time with just a few short months ago are now being brought home to their forever families is amazing. I know God had orchestrated the whole conversation to show me that He was in control and that He was taking care of everything.

You see, for months I have thought about that orphanage. Thought about those children. I've looked at their photos over and over again.  I have prayed for them.  I have prayed for the orphanage.  I have a few of their faces forever etched in my mind. When we were there, we got the impression by some of the volunteers that children there weren't being adopted. It made me sad. I wanted to do something. I've been talking to Mark about how we can help support that orphanage - trying to think of some ways to help those children. And then... BAM! I get that message that those sweet and beautiful children ARE being adopted and loved on and cared for! It was a sweet moment for me. My heart was full of joy. My excitement was overflowing.

A few days ago, I got in contact with the mother that has adopted this sweet little boy that was in our photo. He is now home with his forever family in the States and doing extremely well. To see him in photos and read updates about his adjustment simply brings joy to my heart. Mark held this particular little man most of the time we were at the orphanage, so to know that he has a home now and a family that loves his so much is amazing to me. I just can't get over how much of a blessing it was to be able to connect with these two wonderful women. I don't know either of them personally but I feel connected to them in a way. I'm excited to see what God has in store for the future!

A Big Change of Heart

It's been quite some time since I've last posted on our blog, so out of the annals of my mind, I will have to dig deep. That's ok, it shouldn't take too long.

When we returned from our life changing trip to Africa last year, I didn't honestly think that we would be adopting any time soon. I knew that adoption would possibly come in the future, but not soon. Not within striking distance. I was so overwhelmed with emotions and feelings when we stepped off the plane at O'Hare in Chicago, about the last thing I was considering was adding to our family.

I've told friends and family for the last several years that we "are done." No more. Raising twins has been the single hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life over an extended period of time. To lose myself, to serve others and to have every ounce of patience and self-control demanded each and every day has almost brought me to the funny farm. Through it all, I've seen the persistence and pursuit of Christ, and He continually keeps me grounded through the Word, Fellowship and the Church. I thank Him for the resources that have been granted to us that we can remain sane in a complex environment.

This past fall, Jenn's sense of responsibility to adopt a child began to be a greater and greater compulsion as the days flew by. Finally, around Christmas time she finally stopped me and said "everything within me believes that the Lord would have us to adopt." At that point, things got pretty serious and tense. See, I didn't believe that this was what the Lord was wanting, and since I'm 50% shareholder in this corporation, she needed my vote. I was thinking of going to graduate school and possibly looking at my career options, and adoption wasn't a possibility.

Jenn is a fighter though. When she believes the Lord wants something, she strategizes and plots out a formal plan to attack the enemy when he is weak (when I'm tired or in a really, really good mood). She got me by guile. I was at a point of weakness when I surrendered. I'm kidding obviously, but she was persistent in bringing this vision up to me...a lot. Daily.

The turning point was Saturday January 21st. Jenn and I were both invited to celebrate the Chinese New Year with some friends at an authentic chinese restaurant here in Champaign. Jenn was unable to go because she had an adoption workshop to go to at a local church. I went to the restaurant and several of our friends asked where was Jenn? In jest I told them that "if Jenn wants to adopt, that was fine, but I was going out for Chinese!" But, wow does the Lord have his own sense of humor.

Throughout the evening, several men that I trust and respect asked me if we were serious about adopting. I explained to them that Jenn was way more involved and had traveled down the road farther than I had. I shared that I think it's very biblical to adopt, but that I wasn't engaged or emotionally involved yet, and until that occurred, I wasn't moving forward. My pastor shared with me that night that "adoption is the purest form of discipling." That moved me. Something within me pricked. I've seen all of the stories on TV of starving children in Africa. I've heard the stories of people that have adopted and their lives have been forever changed. However, I needed to come to grips with some social stigma regarding adopting a boy from Africa and I also had to come to grips with dropping $25k for a son.

And then the power storm hit. The next week, in my quite time on 1/28/12 (I have it notated in my Bible) I read Psalm 41. It brought me to my knees. 41:1"Blessed is he who has regard for the weak." That was it. There was the lightning bolt, the "two by four," the point of no return. I knew that the Lord was calling ME to something higher. Something loftier. Something incredible. Throw in James 1:27 " Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." All at once, I found myself on the pathway, following Jenn and trying (in vain) to catch up to her.

I walked up to her at church the next morning, knowing that the Lord was calling us to adopt, and just said "I'm in" and walked away. That was it. That was the crowning moment of my declaration of decision. "I'm in." Those words mean so much to me though. As a man, if you say you are "all in" that means you are "all in." Emotionally, psychologically, physically, spiritually. I was "all in" in this whole adoption thing. And then I heard an absolutely incredible message about a week later from Eric Lude, pastor at Ellerslie and it blew me away. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWHJ6-YhSYQ&sns=fb (I sincerely hope that you just watched that short video clip. If you didn't, I'll give you another chance. Go watch the clip). See, my son is in Africa. He's over there in an orphanage. Not eating right. Not having adequate water. Not clothed properly. He's not being emotionally and spiritually strengthened. He's my son, and I will "CLAW THROUGH A WALL TO GO GET MY SON!" He is mine. The Lord has given him to me. To nourish. To encourage. To strengthen. To disciple...

We've been accepted at the different agencies that we are working through, so now it's just the waiting game to get matched. Will you pray for us that the Lord matches us with the perfect boy for us? (you don't get to pick anymore, you get "matched" which is fine with us.) We are willing to adopt a special needs boy, and we feel called to do so. Psalm 41 told us that. I miss my son. He's out there. Waiting. Wanting to call me daddy. And I'm here. Waiting. Wanting to call out his name: Son.

Letting go...

It's it funny how when God is trying to get you to understand something, He basically just shoves in your face.

Well, that's how He works with me sometimes when I just don't seem to be getting it. Everything that I've been reading lately and different scriptures have been speaking to my heart about one thing...

STUFF

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not an avid collector of junk and I in no way fit on that t.v. show about collecting junk to fill your house. Our house is neat and kept and I actually am always trying to get rid of clutter - most of that clutter being in my scrapbook / school room and in the kids' rooms. However, I also have a lot of just plain stuff. For example, in my craft / school room I have 2 containers of ribbon... every size, every color, every pattern imaginable. I had an idea at one point to make hair bows for my girls and I did... a couple of times. Now, it just sits in the closet. I am one of those people that at any point in the day I have 1000 ideas running through my head of stuff that I want to make. Only a few of those actually make it to execution.

Ok, back to my thought... The Lord has been teaching me lately to LET GO... let go of those things that I place above him - whether that means that I think about them more than I talk to my God or whether that means I work with them more than I meet with Him. My heart is changing. I need to let go of things that just aren't a big deal to me anymore. Now, I'm not advocating going out and getting rid of everything that you don't use but in my situation, I just wanted to do a little "cleaning up."

I also think about how much "stuff" we have as Americans. Do I really need 15 different hobbies to take up my time or could I be doing other things like raising awareness for different things, reading, studying, spending time with my family and friends, being in His PRESENCE!

I did a little clean out of my office and I gave away some of those things that I've been holding onto for a while. Not only was it freeing for me but it was a blessing to me to be able to give them to a sweet friend who I know will get good use out of it.

Did I go crazy and give away everything? No. Do I feel more free? Yes. Am I going to keep going in this same spirit? Yes.

I have a strong desire right now for Him and all of Him. I don't want anything to get in the way of my relationship with Him...

What are you holding onto? Is it a relationship, an activity, an attitude? I pray that you too would find freedom in letting go. I can promise you that letting go will lead to much more blessing than holding on.

Lord, continue to make yourself real to me. I pray that I wouldn't put anything in front of my relationship with You. I love you, Lord. Thank You for the lessons that you show me.

I lift my hands to believe again

First of all, thank you for all the encouraging messages and all the prayers for our family during this process of adoption. We have had an overwhelming amount of support and love from those around us. Not that criticism would cause us to change our minds or question our decision, but it's encouraging to know that we have people standing with us and praying for us - and our little man who is waiting for us to come and get him.

I titled this post, "I lift my hands to believe again" - because belief is what it's all about for us right now. We got our packet from our agency this past week and of course included in that is the fee schedule. Up until this point, the cost hasn't been an "issue" to me. Sure I knew it was going to be expensive. Sure I knew it was a lot of money. But, it didn't ever really bother me. I just thought, "He has called us and He will provide." And I still think that. However, there's something about seeing that amount on paper, in your hands, black and white, that just makes it so real. It hit home.

I have other friends who are adopting right now, and we have had the conversations about the finances. My one dear friend tells me that it just comes in. God just provides. And I shake my head in agreement. Why, then, when I saw that silly fee schedule, did my anxiety level start to rise?

Lack of Trust. Lack of Faith. Lack of Belief.

That makes me sad just to type that. I trust God - I believe Him and His promises. I know He provides. BUT... the question is: Will He do that for US?

The frustrating part about all of this is that my head says yes. I've seen Him work in our lives and the lives of those around us. I've praised Him for miracles in our life. I've thanked Him for the work He has done. I'm currently thanking Him for what He's doing.

We are about to learn some huge lessons from our very big God.

I sometimes think that here in America we say we believe God but we only really believe Him 75% of the time or 90% of the time. (I'm talking to myself here too!) We have resources at the tips of our fingers so anytime we need anything, we just get it. If we need money for something, we walk over to the bank and take out a loan (I'm not advocating debt and not saying that our family does this, just saying that it happens in our Western culture). If we don't have food in the house, we go out for dinner. If we are sick, we go to the doctor. If we don't like our job or we are discontent with where we are, we get a new job or move to a new place. We have so many resources at our fingertips that we fail to truly seek Him first. I think about the people in other countries. Those that are homeless, those that are sick, those that are destitute. Where do they go when they have no food? What do they do when they are sick? They live in mud shacks or on the streets. They eat scraps of food from the garbage piles (I've seen this with my own eyes - a young girl digging through a garbage dump). These people, who are what we would call "poor", are in actuality so very RICH. Why? Because they truly trust God. They have nothing else but their trust in God. They are content with their circumstances (maybe not "Happy" but content).

I wish that the Western world had their faith. I wish that I had their faith. The kind of faith that surpasses circumstance. The kind of faith that surpasses happiness and contentment.

Over the next few months, we will be sending very large amounts of money to our agency and other government offices for various fees. In fact, in about a month of so we'll be sending in a few thousand dollars. It's no secret that international adoption is very expensive. However, God has called us down this path and that we are 100% sure of. He has called us to take care of the orphan. When He calls us to something, He will provide the way.

My flesh tells me that it would be "so much easier" if we had the funds in hand, all of it, ready to go and ready to send it. That way I would know that it was taken care of and that we were set. However, it's not like that. He's calling us to adoption and calling us to trust Him in providing for every step of the way. I will trust Him in each step. I will trust Him for the full amount.

I keep thinking that if we had all the finances in hand, ready to go, then that wouldn't require faith. It would simply be an act of obedience. We are called to walk by faith, not by sight and not by obedience. I can't see what's ahead of us. I can't see what we will go through to bring our little man home. I can't see now how the finances will come in. But, I will walk by faith, knowing that it will all work out.

Thank You Lord that you are our provider. Lord, that you have called us to the journey of adoption and that You, Lord, will provide for every step along the way. We trust in You and believe You. Thank You that through this our faith will be strengthened. We raise our hands to you knowing that You are God and You are good. We love you, Jesus.