Sitting here on a Saturday morning drinking a cup of coffee and listening to...silence. What an extraordinary sound. It's really quite settling. Jenn's mom came up this morning and so she, Jenn and Madalyn all went out shopping. Garagesales, that is. The twins were great this morning and about 45 minutes ago, I put them to bed.
I see people bustling around outside on golf carts, and some are mowing their lawns and some are going for a morning run. Not me. I'm sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of joe and periodically staring out my back yard. My phone is ringing, I'm getting text messages, but I'm not answering. Not right now. I'm listening to quiet.
Jenn started a load of laundry before she left and the washing machine keeps beeping. I started it again, and it just sits there and beeps. I think it's broken. So, I turned it off. Not right now. I'm listening to quiet. I could pull out my tool belt and search on the internet for a new electronic motherboard and order it, but not right now. I'm listening to quiet.
The babies apparently have decided to play in their beds. I guess I could go get them, bring them downstairs and play with them some more like I did this morning. Not right now. I'm listening to quiet.
Last fall, when I went through a really turbulent time, I learned a secret to life. I learned that you really can max yourself out. I learned that you really can press yourself to the breaking point...and I broke. Life just became too overwhelming. With the pressures of a new promotion at work, a new supervisor that we were coming to terms with, 2 new babies and a vivacious 2 year old and some other pressures that were stacking up, I hit rock bottom. Emotionally, physically and in a lot of ways spiritually, I was spent. I even started having this really strong pressure in the center of my chest that would last for a day or two during these times. Well, that pressure in the center of my chest is back this morning, so I needed to defuse a little. I'm having a little time to myself, listening to quiet, and ultimately, listening to my precious Savior.
The texts, the emails the phone calls start to cloud my vision. The pressures at home to be available, not only in a physical sense, but in an emotional and spiritual sense, are very difficult when you sometimes work 60+ hours a week. But that's not for now, I'm listening to quiet.
And so, you sometimes need mornings like this, when I put the phone down, I turn off the broken, beeping washing machine, when I let the twins play in their cribs, and listen to quiet. To have a greater sense of spiritual acuity. To not get worried about outstanding contracts at work, or organizing a missions trip coming up in August, or changing dirty diapers. To not get charged up about painting our entryway, hallway, dining room and stairwell next weekend because the delivery guys scratched our stairwell moving in our new bed last week. To just stop, drink my coffee, and allow the grass to grow one more day without running out to cut it, in hopes of keeping up with the Jones' (who really do live next door, Amy Jones just ran by walking their dog).
Thank you Lord for a few hours of refuge. Thank you for revitalization. Thank you for quiet. Thank you for the dishes in the sink and the dirty laundry. Thank you for the blocks that Mady assembled as a house for her play puppies on the living room coffee table. Thank you for Sam's smile and Hannah's hugs and Mady's joy. Thank you for my wife that literally makes my world go around. Thank you Lord for my family, the greatest gift you could entrust to me.
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