I lift my hands to believe again

First of all, thank you for all the encouraging messages and all the prayers for our family during this process of adoption. We have had an overwhelming amount of support and love from those around us. Not that criticism would cause us to change our minds or question our decision, but it's encouraging to know that we have people standing with us and praying for us - and our little man who is waiting for us to come and get him.

I titled this post, "I lift my hands to believe again" - because belief is what it's all about for us right now. We got our packet from our agency this past week and of course included in that is the fee schedule. Up until this point, the cost hasn't been an "issue" to me. Sure I knew it was going to be expensive. Sure I knew it was a lot of money. But, it didn't ever really bother me. I just thought, "He has called us and He will provide." And I still think that. However, there's something about seeing that amount on paper, in your hands, black and white, that just makes it so real. It hit home.

I have other friends who are adopting right now, and we have had the conversations about the finances. My one dear friend tells me that it just comes in. God just provides. And I shake my head in agreement. Why, then, when I saw that silly fee schedule, did my anxiety level start to rise?

Lack of Trust. Lack of Faith. Lack of Belief.

That makes me sad just to type that. I trust God - I believe Him and His promises. I know He provides. BUT... the question is: Will He do that for US?

The frustrating part about all of this is that my head says yes. I've seen Him work in our lives and the lives of those around us. I've praised Him for miracles in our life. I've thanked Him for the work He has done. I'm currently thanking Him for what He's doing.

We are about to learn some huge lessons from our very big God.

I sometimes think that here in America we say we believe God but we only really believe Him 75% of the time or 90% of the time. (I'm talking to myself here too!) We have resources at the tips of our fingers so anytime we need anything, we just get it. If we need money for something, we walk over to the bank and take out a loan (I'm not advocating debt and not saying that our family does this, just saying that it happens in our Western culture). If we don't have food in the house, we go out for dinner. If we are sick, we go to the doctor. If we don't like our job or we are discontent with where we are, we get a new job or move to a new place. We have so many resources at our fingertips that we fail to truly seek Him first. I think about the people in other countries. Those that are homeless, those that are sick, those that are destitute. Where do they go when they have no food? What do they do when they are sick? They live in mud shacks or on the streets. They eat scraps of food from the garbage piles (I've seen this with my own eyes - a young girl digging through a garbage dump). These people, who are what we would call "poor", are in actuality so very RICH. Why? Because they truly trust God. They have nothing else but their trust in God. They are content with their circumstances (maybe not "Happy" but content).

I wish that the Western world had their faith. I wish that I had their faith. The kind of faith that surpasses circumstance. The kind of faith that surpasses happiness and contentment.

Over the next few months, we will be sending very large amounts of money to our agency and other government offices for various fees. In fact, in about a month of so we'll be sending in a few thousand dollars. It's no secret that international adoption is very expensive. However, God has called us down this path and that we are 100% sure of. He has called us to take care of the orphan. When He calls us to something, He will provide the way.

My flesh tells me that it would be "so much easier" if we had the funds in hand, all of it, ready to go and ready to send it. That way I would know that it was taken care of and that we were set. However, it's not like that. He's calling us to adoption and calling us to trust Him in providing for every step of the way. I will trust Him in each step. I will trust Him for the full amount.

I keep thinking that if we had all the finances in hand, ready to go, then that wouldn't require faith. It would simply be an act of obedience. We are called to walk by faith, not by sight and not by obedience. I can't see what's ahead of us. I can't see what we will go through to bring our little man home. I can't see now how the finances will come in. But, I will walk by faith, knowing that it will all work out.

Thank You Lord that you are our provider. Lord, that you have called us to the journey of adoption and that You, Lord, will provide for every step along the way. We trust in You and believe You. Thank You that through this our faith will be strengthened. We raise our hands to you knowing that You are God and You are good. We love you, Jesus.